I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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