You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
