I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
