We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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