Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
