and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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