I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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