the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize