my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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