census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
