I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
