It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
