I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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