Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
