I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
