it was like his penis was on wheels.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
