Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're too hungover to prance.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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