so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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