if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am one with the molecules
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
