Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
