I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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