I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
