Soap is not a condiment
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
