so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
