Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
