how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
