some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
