I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
