a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
