Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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