Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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