Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
