your parents love me but you hate me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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