when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
