I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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