Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
