i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
