Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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