My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
