this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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