If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
