I'm gonna have a badass scar
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
