so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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