Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sex in a hospital.. check
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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