I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
