can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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