You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
