Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
why is half of my head shaved?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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