did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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