we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you never un-have a 4some
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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