i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
