I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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