Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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