Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
