So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
