shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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