i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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