At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
