Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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