i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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