her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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