In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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