I cut my penus on the lid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
