I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
