Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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