I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
