I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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