i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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