at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
