Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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