There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
